awpobrecita
  • Amy: And, you know, to be going down on someone underwater... that's just not practical.
  • Paul: By the way, there is so much underwater fucking and both their heads are underwater.
  • June: That's what I'm saying, like, how much can happen? You're gonna have to come up for air in two seconds.
  • Amy: Yeah, it would be the most frustrating, worthless-
  • Paul: You'd be swallowing a lot of chlorine.
  • Jason: Yes, all of the bacteria from the pool is just getting shoved inside of you, like, it's terribly unhygienic.
  • Paul: By the way, also this is an interesting thing about this movie-
  • Jason: Everybody got yeast infections?
  • Paul: Everyone got yeast infections.
jessica-messica
'I broke a filling eating corn nuts; should I go the dentist or just wait and see?' What, if your tooth will grow back? It won't!

During the “Paul answers Qs and As” supercut from the Howdies Part 2 I had to pause because for some reason his condemnation of this person was KILLING ME.

I also enjoyed the back to back duo of, “‘How soon is now?’ It’ll be actually February 10th,” and, “‘Tortillas?’ Hell yeah man! HOT TORTILLAS!”

(via jessica-messica)

picklesandwine
  • Paul Scheer: Watching anyone eat hot dogs? Not fun.
  • Jason Mantzoukas: WRONG. I could come up with a list of ten people that I would fucking pay upwards of a thousand dollars to watch eat a hot dog. Hillary Clinton is on that list...
  • PS: I'm fascinated because you were legitimately serious that you were turned on by Hillary Clinton eating a hot dog.
  • JM: Yeah yeah yeah. I would watch that. Especially if I got to cook the hot dog. I don't want it to be, like, a Nathan's that she and I just go and buy together then I watch her eat it in the store, I want her to, like, sit in my backyard and eat a hot dog with me.